A Little Ball of No Account In The Hands of Jesus
- Administrator
- Jan 24
- 7 min read
January 16, 2025
Hello, brothers, sisters, and Heartdwellers family. I had such a good time in worship these past two days. The last song this morning, however, the Lord played was called “Be With Me Lord, When I am in Trouble” (Psalm 91). It's always a song he plays when I am under attack in some way. And honestly, I didn’t feel that way. I thought maybe this was a heads-up of something coming. Then right after I began my Lord's Supper and got the Passion reading. I gulped thinking, “Oh boy, Lord, what could it be? What could be up ahead Lord?” Sorry family, my trials with Jesus are very fiery and difficult it never fails. I always end up crying somehow, though I try to prepare myself.
Then I decided to pull a rhema card and it made me laugh it said,
My child you worry too. much. I've got this, remember? Love Papa God
Haha, I was like, okay Lord you are right, you’ve got this, let me not worry. Then the following card made me worry. It said;
At the approach of Sister Death, Brother, let me rejoice in the Lord and sing His praises amid my infirmities. By the grace of the Holy Spirit, I am so closely untied to My lord, that through His goodness. I can indeed rejoice in the most high himself.
This was from the Omnibus of Saint Frances when he was about to die. And I know that usually when the Lord gives this Rhema to me, it’s not about physical death, but it’s definitely a martyrdom; a real cross, a real dying to self, really, really difficult.
So, to be honest I love the fact that the saints got to a place of rejoicing in their sufferings. I am nowhere near there. And like I said, when I get “sister death”, this means death —utter death to self, a plan, a direction a vision—a huge contradiction awaits me that always takes my breath away. It never fails. I thought, “Oh no, Lord, how can I not worry?” I tried to replay the worst of scenarios in my head of what the Lord could possibly allow, to brace myself. But to be honest, it never works because it’s always something I don’t think about. The Lord has a lot on his hands dealing with me. I know guys, I am a hot mess. I then began to hear the Lord speak as many thoughts came to my mind…
Jesus began,
“Then stop worrying, My love. Peace, I leave with you, My Peace, I give to you. Not as the world gives you, because there is trouble ahead, but I will give you suppressing peace, Beloved, with your every yes, and with your every surrender.
I want to talk to you and My beloved brides about abandonment and total surrender. Do not fear the passion that lies before you, but rather find your strength in Mine. Find your light in Mine. Find your peace in My Passion, that I already have the provision available for you to respond to endure and to persevere. Each time you were faced with a trial it seemed insurmountable at the time, but you got through it, didn’t you?”
Yes, Lord, of course—through a lot of tears, confusion and many times contradictions—but I’m here, still standing and still holding on to hope. So that counts for something
Jesus smiled
“Yes, Beloved it does, I want My brides to be tools that I can use. You see a tool is created for a purpose. And I say ‘tools’ because not one tool is the same in a toolbox. Each has its different function just, as in My Body, each of you is a tool that I have hand-crafted, refined, and polished. Some I am still breaking, others I am mending, and others I am using, and some are still in the box waiting to be used. But whatever state you are in, I am in need of your surrender. A tool is used by the one needing it. A tool doesn’t use the master but rather the master uses the tool according to his need, you see. I want My brides to be that surrendered, just as My little flower was St. Therese of Lisieux. She understood this very well and so did many of My saints.
“Their lives were full of contradictions, ups and downs, and twists and turns but they stuck with Me. She acquired the wisdom to understand that she was a tool in My hands, a little ball she said, one in which the good Lord could bounce, play with, put on the shelf, squeeze, throw, or leave under her bed. It didn’t matter to her how she was used, but that she was in My hands and My expense in whatever way I desired or needed. That is true abandonment, My beloved brides. At one moment I can tell you to get up and leave where you are to follow Me to a distant land, then have you waiting there for a while for instruction. Or I can have you stay where you are, although uncomfortable in your anxiousness to do something, but I am training you in patience and surrender.
I can give to you, then in the same turn ask you for that sacrifice by taking it away just as I did with Abraham and Issac. And you see, he gave to Me willing, what he loved the most, what I had promised him and gave to him. My beloved brides, do not hold onto any idea, plan, vision, desire, person, or thing too tightly, and definitely do not hold on to dear life. Because that is what I require, a soul who is willing to lose their life. Lose their honor, praise, even finances, homes, lose their family, and children, lose their dignity, lose their influence, lose their self-will, their health, their self-love,—lose their lives all for the sake of love for Me.
“What am I worth to you? Can I ask something of you, and in the same turn as you began to act, ask you to stop just to see if you will be obedient to My request? Can I promise something to you and then in the same turn ask you to give it back to Me like I did Job? Will you still call Me Lord? Can I give you difficulty, a cross of sickness, or allow your body to be touched or that of your children and still have your praise and devotion?
“Can I ask you to leave everything, selling your possessions to the poor, and going off into unknown lands to unknown country people, where you do not know their language or even their ways all for the sake of the gospel, you will listen to Me immediately and in obedience? Can I ask you for that relationship you have been holding onto, believing for, you will give it over to me, releasing the person and letting go? Can ask you for your dignity and respect allowing others to trample you, use you, take advantage of you, and say all manner of things about you and trust that you will still walk in love and not defend yourself, become offended, or lose your charity? Can I ask you for the security that you have built up either in relationships, in your family, in the job you covet, in how much money you have or have saved, your status at the church or place of influence, and if this is all taken away will you still cling to Me?
“That is abandonment, My beloved brides, that I may do with you what I please when I please, and how I please because you have given your life to Me and have asked Me to use it to bring Me glory. A soul fully abandoned to Me— not loving Me for what they can get or even what I have done— but because of who I am. Now that pleases Me the most. That is a soul I can use over and over again as a tool, and even entrust with the greatest of gifts and anointing at the appointed time because they have been tried and tested by ‘sister death’ and have embraced her, willing to always die to themselves, their plans and opinions saying, nevertheless not my will be done but yours my Lord.
Many of you struggle in this area, so many of you. Ask me for the grace to be totally surrendered and abandoned to my will moment by moment and I will give it to you this grace generously.”
That was the end of Jesus' message.
A Little Ball of No Account By St. Therese the Little Flower
I had offered myself, for some time now, to the Child Jesus as his little plaything. I told him not to use me as a valuable toy children are content to look at but dare not touch, but to use me like a little ball of no value which he could throw on the ground, push with His foot, pierce, leave in a corner, or press to His heart if it pleased him; in a word, I wanted to amuse little Jesus, to give Him pleasure; I wanted to give myself up to His childish whims. He heard my prayer.
At Rome, Jesus pierced His little plaything; He wanted to see what there it was inside, and having seen, content with His discovery, He let His little ball fall to the ground and He went off to sleep. What did He do during His gentle sleep and what became of the little abandoned ball? Jesus dreamed He was still playing with His toy, leaving it and taking it up in turns, and then having seen it roll quite far He pressed it to His heart, no longer allowing it to ever go far from His little hand.
I am the Child Jesus' little ball; if He wishes to break His toy, He is free. Yes, I will all that He wills.
Oh Lord, give us the grace, to will what you will and to be your little ball in your hands.
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